“Since then, I’ve been chasing after you, but my pace has been too slow, so I’ve finally reached you now.”
Walter continued to remain silent.
The dimly lit garden where the night sky descended and melted into the landscape was more natural than him standing alone in a luxurious and extravagant banquet hall.
“It was so strenuous that I stopped to have a rest and lingered around the path…”
Why was I doing such a thing?
If I didn’t, I would probably never forgive myself. I was ignorant of everything while Felix lost his light and suffered alone. It was so hard that I occasionally resented why I let him abandon us and leave.
“If it’s too difficult to go back together, then I’ll fall all the way down there.”
It looked like I drank too much alcohol without restraint. My vision continued to get blurry. The lights under the terrace shook like a kaleidoscope.
I rubbed my eyes with the back and constantly tried to look straight ahead. However, no matter what I did, my eyes kept closing.
I wondered if he noticed I was overly drunk. Soon after, the blue eyes that captivated me indifferently disappeared.
Walter turned his back without even saying anything as if he didn’t hear me.
I gazed at the back of the person stepping away without hesitation. Then, the memories that consistently tormented me at the start of all my regrets vividly came to mind.
I should have held on. Even if everything about me collapsed and shattered, I should have held onto him. If I helped ease his burden, I could have carried at least half the pain of being devoured by the devil.
Now, no matter what he said to me, it didn’t matter as long as he could be with me.
It didn’t matter if we hit rock bottom, even if we fell into the abyss and saw hell, or if I suffered so horribly enough to resent him.
“Where are you going?”
“Mr. Angel, where are you going?”
Hearing my words, Walter abruptly stopped moving for a moment.
Although it was now empty words that his appearance resembled an angel, it didn’t matter.
Even if everything that made him up had changed completely, it was fine as long as he was Felix.
‘But, you know what. I don’t think you actually changed that much.’
“My angel who thought I was in danger and immediately rushed to me, don’t go.”
I pushed my upper body over the railing. If I missed him now, it seemed like he would really scatter like a handful of ashes and disappear without a trace.
“Are you really going to leave?”
Huh? He was indeed leaving.
As if it was my illusion that he paused for a moment, he suddenly moved away once more. The sound of him treading on the grass and the soil with his feet was smooth and clean.
Ah, I found it.
“Not just your eyes, but the sound of your footsteps are identical.”
At the sound of my murmuring, his steps halted again. I giggled at the thought of finding another trace of Felix in Walter.
This time, he suddenly looked back at me. I couldn’t tell whether it was irritation, annoyance, or discomfort, but he strode closer under the terrace where I was standing.
“Your voice is the same.”
If I didn’t listen carefully, I wouldn’t have noticed that it was much lower and rougher.
Ever since my first conversation with Felix, I thought his pronunciation was ornate and elegant as velvet.
No matter how hard he mimicked the tone of a commoner mercenary, the traces still remained intact.
I guess everyone was stupid.
If you looked carefully, he was obviously Felix.
“I told you to go in.”
“Why? Are you worried about me?”
The sense of intimidation that I felt during our first reunion completely engulfed me.
He was called the blue-eyed devil. I didn’t know who coined the nickname, but they saw through his essence very accurately.
On top of the terrifyingly expressionless face, a blue, hot gaze cast over me. The eyes were constantly suffering from madness.
Noticing the color of a wild beast that glowed in the dark, I thought that he was going to bite the nape of my neck in an instant.
I didn’t care if I got bitten or not. I’d been ripped in places that hurt more than flesh being torn off.
I obediently listened to him and turned my back as if I was leaving the terrace.
But instead of going inside, I completely locked the door so that no one could come in and disturb us.
“There’s no option to go in.”
I returned to the terrace and rested my arms against the railing.
When I didn’t seem to have any intentions of meekly obeying him, Walter fixed his deep, cold gaze on me.
His stiff mouth was stubbornly fixed in a line as if he had never smiled once in his life.
Suddenly, Felix’s bright smile that blossomed like a spring flower came to mind. I tried to project the increasingly worn-out memory onto his lips.
Once again, I uncovered traces of Felix in the eyes that shook like ripples caused by throwing stones into the lake.
I stretched out my arm and called out to him.
As I looked down from above, he suddenly felt so far away.
Felix must have felt like he was trapped on a steep cliff that was incomparable to this.
“You can’t go anywhere either.”
If he was going to leave me again, he shouldn’t have come just because I broke the jewel. How could I let him leave after seeing him instantly rush here since he thought I was in danger?
“Choose. There are only two options.”
I pointed my finger to the area beside me and said.
“Come up here.”
And then I pointed to the area beside Walter and continued.
“Or I’ll descend to that place.”
Whether it was faster for him to adapt to the light or for me to adjust to the darkness, it didn’t matter, so he could do whatever he wished.
After saying that, I beamed as if I was generous.
He frowned when he saw me smiling brightly with the aid of alcohol. At the same time, he squeezed the handle of the sword on his waist and released it.
‘Are you going to stab me? Well, it doesn’t matter.’
I had been countlessly pondering over a choice that I wouldn’t regret.
But a fool like me didn’t even know who I liked. I considered and approached the unfamiliar feeling that I experienced for the first time, but I got scared and retreated.
I inevitably missed it.
But he returned to me like a miracle. Thinking about how much pain he must have endured all this time alone overwhelmed me with guilt, but now I wanted to atone for it.
I instantly knew that this moment was a crossroads of choice. I wasn’t going to let Felix go in vain like last time. Even if I died.
It was a choice that I knew my heart wouldn’t regret.
“I don’t mind if you stab me if that is what you wish, but if you can, please turn a blind eye. I have no right to die. Chloe will be sad.”
I languidly rested my head, aimlessly ran my finger along the railing, and slowly clutched it tightly.
“You don’t deserve to be in pain by yourself either. I feel like my heart is being ripped into shreds.”
Making a precious person feel like this was tough. Wasn’t it?
So stop this pain, stop hurting me. It was like this yesterday and today. However, if this continued until tomorrow, I believe it would be too hard to withstand.
“Then, I shall count ten seconds from now.”
I stretched out my palms and stuck them out in the air. The gaze filled with the fire of madness was horribly distorted, but I paid no mind and counted regardless.
“10, 9, 8…”
I folded my fingers and counted from ten to one. Meanwhile, Walter stood there as if nailed to the spot and didn’t even move.
He did not move. I even gave him a choice.
If it was difficult to choose, then I had no choice but to choose myself. If he didn’t come up, then I had no choice but to go down.
Soaking in the strength of alcohol, I tilted my head for a moment and then placed one foot on top of the terrace railing.
If I jumped from this height, if I were lucky, I’d be fine, but if I were unlucky, I’d probably break a leg.
That was how much I could endure.
At my outrageous behavior, words inadvertently leaked out of his mouth, and he stared at me. The fierce gaze stabbed me like a knife.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m hanging on.”
Pitifully and miserably.
Then Walter shot me a menacing look and spat out, in a low tone, words that were not threatening at all.
“Put your foot back down, now.”
“Then will Fel come up?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Walter. Well, your name doesn’t matter.”
No matter what his name was, he was still Felix.
He didn’t even deny that he wasn’t Felix. In the first place, by appearing when I broke the artifact, he inadvertently admitted to his identity.
“So, are you going to come up?”
When he remained silent with his lips shut, I pulled up my other leg. As I leaned over as if I was really about to jump, his eyes shook slightly.
He said he might kill me someday. Regardless of whether I died or not, it didn’t matter as long as he didn’t leave me alone.
Then the heartless voice fell like a blade.
“It’s too late”.
“Whatever you do, it’s too late.”
“Stop it now. I’m sick and tired of it.”
It’s been more than three years, so it’s time to forget. The cold words became a dagger and pierced my heart.
“Are you sick of me? Do you hate me?”
His eyes, which had entirely captured his emotions, became as cold as ice. He returned my answer without hesitation.
Wow, I thought it couldn’t hurt any more than when he abruptly left me alone, but that moment seemed to be better than now, where he was forcibly digging through my chest and pulling out my heart.
I bit my lips and fought back my tears.
* * *
T/N: Felix is back!!! (Please enjoy the rest of your weekend and week everyone, and see you next week!) 💕
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